Couples Counselling: Pre-marital and marriage counselling

 Counselling: Meaning-cum-Definition 

            Counselling is an interactive learning process in which the counsellor helps the counsellees to understand the cause(s) of difficulties and reach decisions. The approach in counselling is holistic, addressing social, cultural, economic and emotional issues. Counselling may be concerned with addressing and resolving specific problems, making decisions, coping with crises, improving relationships and developing personal awareness. It also involves working with feelings, thoughts, perceptions and conflicts. The overall aim is to provide counsellees with opportunities to work in positive ways so as to live with the essence of well-being.

Qualities of counsellor:

1. Sensitive to human problems

2. Empathy

3. Respect for individual variations

4. Being non-judgmental

5. Maintain confidentiality

6. Being approachable

7. Being firm yet friendly

8. Pleasant disposition

9. Understanding values and relationships

 

Pre-marital Counselling: An Introduction

            In this technology-driven age where individualism is dominating collectivism, a new area of counselling has emerged in the Indian social landscape, which is popularly known as Pre-marital counselling. Nuclear families living in urban settings created a psycho-social environment which has modified the fabric of the joint family system. The crumbling of the joint family system and arranged marriage system has led to a spike in the rate of divorces. To prevent the family system from crumbling psychologists are adopting various strategies and techniques.

            Pre-marital counselling aims to prepare would-be couples to begin a good and healthy relationship that leads to marriage. It is a form of training that equips couples with the necessary skills needed by couples to advance in their relationships. It helps to sustain marriages because it gives couples the initial skills needed to enable them to start their marriage and solve minor problems that may be encountered in the relationship. Premarital counselling helps couples create a blueprint for their lives together.

 

Salient Features of Pre-marital Counselling

1.         It is done prior to the marriage also known as couple therapy.

2.         It helps to prevent problems that could lead to conflicts in the marital relationship by building a strong foundation for the marriage.

3.         Aims to enhance the quality of relationships.

4.         It is a kind of preparatory tool that could help in cementing the bond between the couples.

5.         It helps to enable the couple to have a better understanding and foundation knowledge needed in married life.

6.         It facilitates a genuine conversation about each other’s expectations.

7.         It helps in learning techniques of constructive communication between couples.

8.         Provide a platform for learning adaptation and adjustment skills.

9.      Circumvent the occurrence of conflict by skilling the couple in handling conflicts in a constructive way.

10.       Couples are trained to focus on strengths and do away weaknesses of their prospective partner.

11.       Learning of cooperative strategy in decision-making.

12.       Do away with fears, anxiety and phobias concerning marriage.

 

Marriage: An introduction

Marriage is a sacred lasting bond between two souls. Marriage is a socially approved union of two adults of the opposite sex that creates

kinship. It is an association which leads to the formation of a family. In marriage interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged by society. It is a conjugal relationship and family life established by the prevalent and accepted methods in society. Couples get several types of rights and responsibilities from the marital relationship. Shvetaketu first established the dignity of marriage in India where he established the value of loyalty in sacred relationship.

 

Marriage: Definition

            Marriage is a union between a man and a woman such that children born to the woman are the recognized legitimate offspring of both partners.

            Marriage is an important element of the social set-up the world over, which plays a major role in the construction of family and in turn contributes to the stability of society.

 

Objectives of Marriage Counselling (MC)

1. To strengthen the relationship and bond of love between the couple.
2. To enhance the trust between the couple.
3. To make the couple realize that unconditional acceptance of each other is the key to a successful marriage.
4. Skilling couples in psycho-social adjustment.
5. Helping couples to develop an adaptive perspective in which they are encouraged to ignore their partner's flaws and focus on his/her strengths.
6. Helping couples to make thoughtful decisions.

Scope of MC or Areas that are addressed by Marriage Counsellor

1. Communication problems
2. Sexual difficulties
3. Conflicts about child
4. Abuse
5. Financial Problems
6. Substance abuse
7. Anger
8. Infidelity

 

Marriage Counselling (MC)

            Research has shown that marriage leads to increased life satisfaction, it is not without its challenges (Boyce, Wood, & Ferguson, 2016). India is considered to have the lowest divorce rate globally, estimated to be around 1.1%. but, in the past few years, India is witnessing a rise of 50% to 60% in divorce rates, especially in the urban areas (DNA, 10 Oct 2022).

Most common causes of couple discordant

Ø  Infidelity and trust,

Ø  Lack of intimacy,

Ø  Lack of attention and time,

Ø  Families or friends’ interference, and

Ø  When a woman is not allowed to put her opinion.

 

Marriage Counselling (MC)

            To address the above discordant MC is one of the non-invasive and important therapies. Non-invasive means without any medication or surgery.

            Marriage Counselling is also called couple counselling or couple therapy. The most important aspect of MC is to realize at the collective and individual level that some kind of discordant exists between them. For realization, knowing the existence of conflict is the first stage. The counsellor’s primary role in the MC is to ensure that the couple realizes the existence of conflict. The realization helps in the identification of the root cause of conflict. Once the root cause is identified, the couples are encouraged to talk and discuss. Frequent mutual discussion helps in understanding each other to tide over the crisis.

 

Practicing Marriage Counselling

            The counsellor needs to be fully aware of the cultural settings of areas where she/he is practicing because culture has a profound effect on the marriage. After establishing rapport and adhering to the basic tenets of counselling such as unconditional acceptance, non-judgmental, empathetic and attentive & genuine listening, the following few questions must be asked to understand the cause of discordant.

ü  How long have you been married and can you tell me your marriage type, i.e. arranged, love, love-cum-arranged or any other?

ü  Do you exactly know what is the main problems in your marriage?

ü  Did you know your partner previous to marriage?

ü  When did the problem start?

ü  Have you decided to part ways or still there are remote chances to save your marriage?

ü  What are the major strengths of your partner?

ü  Do you trust your partner on all counts?

ü  Are you satisfied with the degree of intimacy?

ü  Do your past haunts you?

ü  Is there a third person who entered your marriage?

ü  What do you consider marriage – a sacred relationship, a union of two friends, a contract, an association of two opposite genders, social obligation etc?

 

Some important aspects of marriage counselling.

ü  Collect information on these questions and collate it.

ü  Design worksheets with certain direct questions.

ü  Ask the couple to fill up the worksheets.

ü  Give ample time and space to both partners to share their concerns with each other.

ü  If possible use a psychological mirror (future consequences of break up).

ü  Watch and keenly observe their conversation especially, their selection of words for addressing each other. This technique helps in gauging the strength of their relationship.

ü  Counsellors can use relationship check lists for assessment of marital conflicts. 

 

Some of the Major Marriage Therapy Techniques

            The therapist decides which techniques would be useful for the couple depending on the concerns they are facing. 

1. Emotionally Focused Therapy -  The aim of the counsellor is to make the couple talk about their feelings and make them understand their underlying emotions behind those thoughts and feelings and to convey it to their partner.

2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - The core of this therapy is to make one understand how thoughts influences one’s behavior. Here, the therapist focuses on thought reversal.

3. Image Relationship Therapy - The theory behind this therapy is that we project our concept of love, which we developed in our childhood, onto our partners. The issues can be rooted in that area of life and that is where the counsellor nudges and guides the individual to gain insight which can lead to resolving the issues.

4. Solution-Focused Therapy – When a couple is focused on their problems, and unable to reach a solution. In such cases, solution-focused therapy works. Instead of spending time on finding the root cause, the counsellor directly works on guiding the couples to find the solution to their issues.

5. Insight-Gaining Therapy - Insight means deep understanding of someone or something. It is a ‘Aha!’ moment for the couple when a counsellor tries to provide insight to their issue.

6. Positive Psychology Technique - This technique can be beautifully applied on couples who feel they have lost the spark in their relationship. This technique helps them to remember all great characteristics in their marriage, reminisce their adventurous days and recreate it all over again!